(as of feb. 09).
she likes dark meat
naughty college schoolgirls vol. 53
fresh outta high school vol. 14
interracial frenzy vol. 3
i love big toys vol. 18
the beast is back vol. 4
boz does them all vol. 2
the voyeur in me
i can't believe i took the whole thing! vol. 18
the beast is back vol. 3
the beast is back vol. 2
all about ashlynn vol. 2
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
25 things
1. I fell down a flight of stairs in a walker when I was 1. I got 2 black eyes, but was otherwise okay. Or so I’m told.
2. I’ve knocked my front teeth out twice. One of those times I was sober.
3. The first time I got drunk I was 12.
4. This year will be my 5th Coachella Festival. ( I skipped ’07).
5. I lost my virginity with the niece of actor Phillip Bosco.
6. One of my thighs is much hairier than the other.
7. Once when I was swimming in the ocean, a minnow became entangled in my pubic hair and died. I discovered the tiny fish hours later, as I was taking a shower. This prompted me to start trimming.
8. By the same token, I always cut apart plastic six-pack rings.
9. I have held at least 15 different jobs over the past 10 years.
10. My ears are completely asymmetrical.
11. My parents are still together.
12. I met Vincent Gallo.
13. One of my greatest pleasures is to write horrifically mean letters to people who deserve them.
14. I’ve smoked cigarettes since I was 15.
15. Robert Altman is my favorite director.
16. My grandparents survived the holocaust.
17. I’ve driven from California to New Jersey 3 times, and visited 37 of the 50 states.
18. I’ve had two cats, both orange.
19. I feel guilty for not watching The Simpsons anymore.
20. My favorite food is pork ribs.
21. I consider myself an excellent poker player.
22. In High School, I was in the marching band. I played trumpet at a competitive level for eight years.
23. I was fat until I was 16. I hope to never be fat again.
24. I hold a bachelor’s degree in film, as well as an Official Bikini Inspector’s License. Both have served me equally well.
25. My favorite song to sing karaoke is “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” by Meat Loaf.
2. I’ve knocked my front teeth out twice. One of those times I was sober.
3. The first time I got drunk I was 12.
4. This year will be my 5th Coachella Festival. ( I skipped ’07).
5. I lost my virginity with the niece of actor Phillip Bosco.
6. One of my thighs is much hairier than the other.
7. Once when I was swimming in the ocean, a minnow became entangled in my pubic hair and died. I discovered the tiny fish hours later, as I was taking a shower. This prompted me to start trimming.
8. By the same token, I always cut apart plastic six-pack rings.
9. I have held at least 15 different jobs over the past 10 years.
10. My ears are completely asymmetrical.
11. My parents are still together.
12. I met Vincent Gallo.
13. One of my greatest pleasures is to write horrifically mean letters to people who deserve them.
14. I’ve smoked cigarettes since I was 15.
15. Robert Altman is my favorite director.
16. My grandparents survived the holocaust.
17. I’ve driven from California to New Jersey 3 times, and visited 37 of the 50 states.
18. I’ve had two cats, both orange.
19. I feel guilty for not watching The Simpsons anymore.
20. My favorite food is pork ribs.
21. I consider myself an excellent poker player.
22. In High School, I was in the marching band. I played trumpet at a competitive level for eight years.
23. I was fat until I was 16. I hope to never be fat again.
24. I hold a bachelor’s degree in film, as well as an Official Bikini Inspector’s License. Both have served me equally well.
25. My favorite song to sing karaoke is “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” by Meat Loaf.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
cock, anyone?
i stopped by the production office today to get my paycheck, and the boss had me take 3 bags full of dildos home with me, to bring to set tomorrow for a girl-girl shoot.
it's a lot of dicks.
it's a lot of dicks.
the deepest action sci/fi franchise ever...
is finally getting the mcG treatment.
mcG, whose resume highlights include such films as charlie's angels, charlie's angels full throttle, and the "pretty fly for a white guy" music video, is directing terminator: salvation. haha, good one. i get it. this must be an extravagant publicity stunt perpetrated by...umm...all 16 producers attached to the film?
christian bale, best actor of our time/family beater-upper, has apparantly been having some problems on set, mostly having to do with his objections to cinematographer shane hurlbut's habit of compulsively masturbating behind the other actors while bale is trying to shoot a scene. looks like hollywood's finally gone to his head...
http://www.aolcdn.com/tmz_audio/020209_christianbale.mp3
the audio tape was apparantly leaked by the production's insurance company, after it was sent to them by producers as supporting evidence for when christian bale inevitably walks off the set for good.
oh yeah, and they shut down production indefinitely after helena bonham carter lost four family members in a car accident. hell of a way to avoid seeing this movie. whaaa-zing!!
mcG, whose resume highlights include such films as charlie's angels, charlie's angels full throttle, and the "pretty fly for a white guy" music video, is directing terminator: salvation. haha, good one. i get it. this must be an extravagant publicity stunt perpetrated by...umm...all 16 producers attached to the film?
christian bale, best actor of our time/family beater-upper, has apparantly been having some problems on set, mostly having to do with his objections to cinematographer shane hurlbut's habit of compulsively masturbating behind the other actors while bale is trying to shoot a scene. looks like hollywood's finally gone to his head...
http://www.aolcdn.com/tmz_audio/020209_christianbale.mp3
the audio tape was apparantly leaked by the production's insurance company, after it was sent to them by producers as supporting evidence for when christian bale inevitably walks off the set for good.
oh yeah, and they shut down production indefinitely after helena bonham carter lost four family members in a car accident. hell of a way to avoid seeing this movie. whaaa-zing!!
Saturday, January 31, 2009
i am 78 years old
i threw out my back making tuna salad (?) so now i'm relegated to moving, lifting, and, yes, fucking like an old person. seriously, i've never been in more pain than this, ever, so if anyone knows where i can get some illegal pain killers, have a heart.
on the lighter side of the news, the other morning at ralphs, some lady in front of me was buying this at 7:30 am:
i'd also like to make an aknowledgement, or "shout-out" as the kids say these days, to mercedes, the checkline associate pictured above. she once laughed at me and asked why i buy so much douche and snack food.
on the lighter side of the news, the other morning at ralphs, some lady in front of me was buying this at 7:30 am:
i'd also like to make an aknowledgement, or "shout-out" as the kids say these days, to mercedes, the checkline associate pictured above. she once laughed at me and asked why i buy so much douche and snack food.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
the ultimate guide to coachella (part i)
Okay. So.
Coachella '09 is coming up fast. It's scheduled two weekends earlier than last year, making this the earliest, and hopefully coolest (and I mean that in the temperature sense) year for the festival ever. There's only one problem. No lineup yet, bitches!
Rumors are circulating based on leaks from band members and the people they talk to, as well as speculation based on tour schedules, album releases, etc. Some acts have "confirmed" that they are in fact playing the festival, some are still stuck in "rumor" status. Even so, until they post it on the official Coachella website, it's all hearsay, but I'm going to let myself get excited anyway, because rumormills with similar gears have been fairly reliable in past years. Fairly.
That being said, I'm going down the alphabetical list of supposed "confirmed" acts, (based on a sources/sources that I consider reliable enough for our purposes) and rating them on a four-point scale.
From good to bad, it's:
See!
See.
Skip.
and
Skip!
Get it?
A Place To Bury Strangers – Fairly typical, but sometimes interesting psychedelic electronica band from Brooklyn. See.
Adele – They’re from Scotland, so they must be good, right? Oh wait, no. They suck, mate. Skip!
Armin Van Buuren – European trance DJ who talks too much. And not all funny like that Nune guy. Like a douche. Eehhhhhskip!!!
Bajofando – Heavily orchestrated and surprisingly organic-sounding Argentine electronic rock/hiphop/pop. See.
Band of Horses – Spacey indie rock band from South Carolina. Reverby, with lots of sincere-but-not-cheesy lyrics, and superb vocals. Think Decembrists before you were sick of them. I can see it now: midday set, scorching heat, palm trees, the fourth joint of the day, and the kind of goosebumps you only get witnessing relative unknowns playing their breakthrough show. This is the kind of band Coachella exists for. See!
Buraka Som Sistema – Portugese Calypso Reggae Techno. Not if you paid me. Okay, maybe if I’m on ecstasy. Skip! Unless on ecstasy. Actually, just skip.
Calexico – Modern Country rock duo. Buzzworthy, public radio favorites, playing Carnegie Hall in March. See.
Chairlift – ..Brooklyn.. rock band that incorporates canned beats and ambient sound. Grungy, challenging, and exceptionally musical. Think Broken Social Scene but not so Canadian. See!
The Chemical Brothers – Shit, they still keep it funky. Their new stuff is drum ‘n bassy enough that I just might if the mood strikes me. If I see any techno band that weekend it’ll be the Bros for sure. See.
Christopher Lawerence – Mmptssmmptssmmptssmmptsskip.
Crookers – If you like sweat, stubble, glowsticks, and the smell of people smoking things you’ve never smelled being smoked before, this Italian techno band is a must see for you. I, however, will-a-make-a-the skip it.
Crystal Castles – Theatrical electroclash group that’s so weird (in a good way) that they literally scare me (also in a good way). Awesomely hot lead singer whose influences include knives, blank looks on girls, and murder. See!
Deerhunter – Sonic Youth – inspired garage punk band from the ATL that I can’t wait to be pleasantly surprised by. See!
Drop the Lime – Gee, another one of those guys whose only instrument is an iMac. There’s a theme developing. And I’m skipping it.
Evil Nine – One of those bands that sounds like all their songs were made for a Halloween playlist. Skiii-iiii-iiii-iiiiip. (Say it like a ghost).
Fleet Foxes – Another band that is in constant rotation on NPR and unheard of everywhere else. Surprise, surprise, they’re amazing. Get a beer, situate yourself over on the side of the lawn, as close to the stage as possible without having to stand, take off your shoes, and see! See! See!
Franz Ferdinand – Doye! See.
Girl Talk – The Pittsburgh DJ/engineering genius who elevated the mashup from hip-hop novelty to art form, and officially one of the top 5 acts I’m most excited for this year. Break out the water bottle full of vodka, play your motherfucking part, shake your ass, and SEE!
That's all for now. Part II comes soon. The real lineup is also coming soon, but as of now, I'm going by what on read on the interweb. Let's hope this isn't a giant waste of time...
Coachella '09 is coming up fast. It's scheduled two weekends earlier than last year, making this the earliest, and hopefully coolest (and I mean that in the temperature sense) year for the festival ever. There's only one problem. No lineup yet, bitches!
Rumors are circulating based on leaks from band members and the people they talk to, as well as speculation based on tour schedules, album releases, etc. Some acts have "confirmed" that they are in fact playing the festival, some are still stuck in "rumor" status. Even so, until they post it on the official Coachella website, it's all hearsay, but I'm going to let myself get excited anyway, because rumormills with similar gears have been fairly reliable in past years. Fairly.
That being said, I'm going down the alphabetical list of supposed "confirmed" acts, (based on a sources/sources that I consider reliable enough for our purposes) and rating them on a four-point scale.
From good to bad, it's:
See!
See.
Skip.
and
Skip!
Get it?
A Place To Bury Strangers – Fairly typical, but sometimes interesting psychedelic electronica band from Brooklyn. See.
Adele – They’re from Scotland, so they must be good, right? Oh wait, no. They suck, mate. Skip!
Armin Van Buuren – European trance DJ who talks too much. And not all funny like that Nune guy. Like a douche. Eehhhhhskip!!!
Bajofando – Heavily orchestrated and surprisingly organic-sounding Argentine electronic rock/hiphop/pop. See.
Band of Horses – Spacey indie rock band from South Carolina. Reverby, with lots of sincere-but-not-cheesy lyrics, and superb vocals. Think Decembrists before you were sick of them. I can see it now: midday set, scorching heat, palm trees, the fourth joint of the day, and the kind of goosebumps you only get witnessing relative unknowns playing their breakthrough show. This is the kind of band Coachella exists for. See!
Buraka Som Sistema – Portugese Calypso Reggae Techno. Not if you paid me. Okay, maybe if I’m on ecstasy. Skip! Unless on ecstasy. Actually, just skip.
Calexico – Modern Country rock duo. Buzzworthy, public radio favorites, playing Carnegie Hall in March. See.
Chairlift – ..Brooklyn.. rock band that incorporates canned beats and ambient sound. Grungy, challenging, and exceptionally musical. Think Broken Social Scene but not so Canadian. See!
The Chemical Brothers – Shit, they still keep it funky. Their new stuff is drum ‘n bassy enough that I just might if the mood strikes me. If I see any techno band that weekend it’ll be the Bros for sure. See.
Christopher Lawerence – Mmptssmmptssmmptssmmptsskip.
Crookers – If you like sweat, stubble, glowsticks, and the smell of people smoking things you’ve never smelled being smoked before, this Italian techno band is a must see for you. I, however, will-a-make-a-the skip it.
Crystal Castles – Theatrical electroclash group that’s so weird (in a good way) that they literally scare me (also in a good way). Awesomely hot lead singer whose influences include knives, blank looks on girls, and murder. See!
Deerhunter – Sonic Youth – inspired garage punk band from the ATL that I can’t wait to be pleasantly surprised by. See!
Drop the Lime – Gee, another one of those guys whose only instrument is an iMac. There’s a theme developing. And I’m skipping it.
Evil Nine – One of those bands that sounds like all their songs were made for a Halloween playlist. Skiii-iiii-iiii-iiiiip. (Say it like a ghost).
Fleet Foxes – Another band that is in constant rotation on NPR and unheard of everywhere else. Surprise, surprise, they’re amazing. Get a beer, situate yourself over on the side of the lawn, as close to the stage as possible without having to stand, take off your shoes, and see! See! See!
Franz Ferdinand – Doye! See.
Girl Talk – The Pittsburgh DJ/engineering genius who elevated the mashup from hip-hop novelty to art form, and officially one of the top 5 acts I’m most excited for this year. Break out the water bottle full of vodka, play your motherfucking part, shake your ass, and SEE!
That's all for now. Part II comes soon. The real lineup is also coming soon, but as of now, I'm going by what on read on the interweb. Let's hope this isn't a giant waste of time...
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