i am 78 years old

i threw out my back making tuna salad (?) so now i'm relegated to moving, lifting, and, yes, fucking like an old person. seriously, i've never been in more pain than this, ever, so if anyone knows where i can get some illegal pain killers, have a heart.

on the lighter side of the news, the other morning at ralphs, some lady in front of me was buying this at 7:30 am:





i'd also like to make an aknowledgement, or "shout-out" as the kids say these days, to mercedes, the checkline associate pictured above. she once laughed at me and asked why i buy so much douche and snack food.